


Goodbyes & Grief, Hellos & Hope

by luvtheheaven



Category: Parenthood (2010)
Genre: Adopted Children, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Child Neglect, Discussion of Abortion, Extended Families, F/F, F/M, Gen, Loss of Parent(s), Teen Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-25
Updated: 2016-04-25
Packaged: 2018-06-04 10:21:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6654169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luvtheheaven/pseuds/luvtheheaven
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Victor misses his biological mother, and who can blame the 9-year-old? He might not have it as bad as his adoptive cousin, who is grieving his mother's death, but nonetheless Victor is experiencing his own form of grief.</p><p>The young boys aren't the only Bravermans who need to adjust to a life they never would have imagined they'd be living, though. </p><p>Mark Cyr realizes that having children of his own just isn't as important to him as having Sarah Braverman as his wife. </p><p>And two other young women become "honorary" Bravermans before long.</p><p>Despite the tragic loss of one family member, it takes a whole hand worth of fingers to count all the new members they've gained.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Night Before Everything Would Change

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been thinking about writing a fix-it fic for the way I wish Victor's, Haddie's, Sarah's, and Drew's plots played out in season 4 ever since... well ever since the end of 2012 when season 4 was airing!!
> 
> Since Haddie canonically was dating Lauren as of the season 5 finale, and had been dating her for an unspecified amount of time, I included a side-plot that includes Lauren back in season 4. 
> 
> This fic starts out at the end of season 3 and spans the course of season 4 and also into the timeline of season 5.
> 
> Some it is heavily canon-based and just "fills in the blanks", while other aspects are much more "what if this had happened instead?", such as Hank and Sarah not going away together for his job the weekend Sarah should've been on vacation with Mark, or what if Drew & Amy's opinions on their unplanned pregnancy were reversed, or what if one person died when it legitimately could've happened on the show instead of surviving like they ended up doing in canon...
> 
> I'm so grateful for the existence of the **Small Fandom Big Bang** , for motivating me to finally get this written!
> 
> I marked this fic as F/F because of the canon-based Haddie/Lauren, as F/M because of the way Sarah/Mark, Amy/Drew, and I guess technically Kristina/Adam and Julia/Joel are in this, all also quite canon-based as well although I let Sarah/Mark and Amy/Drew go in a different direction than they did in canon, and I also marked this fic AS GEN!! I feel like the fic is something that would appeal to a lot of Gen readers, like, you know... myself. ;)
> 
> All of the Victor-based plots, for instance, which are a huge part of this story, are 100% non-shippy. And in general shippiness is not the point of the fic as a whole. The fact that the ships are canon-based helps make this fic feel fairly gen to me too. If you get through the entire story it won't have felt like a love story, but rather a family story, much like the show itself does. So idk. I wanted to mark this fic's category as "Gen" too. I hope that makes sense to some readers.

**A huge SPECIAL THANKS to my lovely artist,[Tarlan](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Tarlan), who filled in at the last minute when my original artist needed to be replaced, and who made beautiful art for the fic. I'm so impressed with her talent!! The drawings based on the actors are gorgeous. ** Check out her art both right here before chapter 1, and also a different piece featured in chapter 3. Then please check out her master post about her art for this fic, right here: <http://archiveofourown.org/works/6622081> and leave her a comment! Also you can see the art larger over there! Thanks.

Also, thank you to [Bookwormkehprodz](https://www.youtube.com/user/Bookwormkehprodz/videos), my vidder friend I know well from YouTube and [twitter (@MissBookwormkeh)](https://twitter.com/MissBookwormKeh), who ([like me](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL7B6C7A14915AE503)) has [vidded _Parenthood_ for years now](http://www.youtube.com/user/ParenthoodProdz/videos) and who kindly was my beta for this story!

 

 

* * *

 Chapter 1: The Night Before Everything Would Change

_"Haddie.”_

_“Yes.”_

_“You don’t have to worry about Cornell anymore.” Adam smiled at her, continuing to slow-dance under the lights on the patio of his childhood home. “It’s all gonna be fine.”_

_“I wasn’t worried.”_

But she probably should’ve been worried, Adam realized. The napkin was now ripped up. He was not going to be selling the Luncheonette. He’d decided his relationship with his brother was simply too important. But now… how was he going to afford everything? He knew their family would find a way. They always did. He just hoped no unforeseen additional expenses would arise for them, because he was going to be tapping into _all_ of his savings in order to start affording the Ivy League.

Glancing over toward Sydney and Jabbar, Adam smiled at how adorably they were dancing. He loved his whole family, every last member of it. He wouldn’t have it any other way. He walked over toward Max, who was still reading his book, sitting in a chair beside the dance floor. He couldn’t help feeling a little worried that Max was missing his uncle’s entire wedding, not experiencing the party, but he tried to push those feelings aside. His son was enjoying himself. He was reading a book. Most parents want their kids to read more. He was so lucky to have two kids who both loved to read, and for a moment he thought about whether Nora might deviate from that pattern, one day.

Adam then noticed Drew, who was in the midst of kissing Amy passionately. He of course had no idea they had just lost their virginities to one another, but what he did see, clear as the night sky above them, was that they were in love. As the slow song ended, they too ended their lip-lock and proceeded to jump and jive to the beat. Adam remembered Drew, a little over two years prior, asking for lessons on how to dance. Finally, Drew had figured out the secret, all on his own. The secret is simple: Find your own style. Let yourself feel the music. Relax and don’t worry about how you look to other people. Adam smiled fondly and then looked away, searching the crowd for his wife and baby daughter.

Kristina occupied all of Adam’s attention from that point forward, so he didn’t notice Mark Cyr coming to the wedding extremely late. He _didn’t_ notice the impromptu proposal, the smile that lit up his sister’s face, the way her broken heart had mended in an instant as she’d said “Yes”, and the way she’d disappeared from the crowd before Crosby and Jasmine had even started driving off toward their honeymoon (because she and Mark had some consummating of their engagement to do).

At the same time as Sarah was lacing her fingertips with Mark’s, leading him toward the guest house where she lived, Joel was asking the elder Braverman couple for a favor.

“Of course,” Camille replied warmly, glancing over toward Sydney with love. “I’m sure Jabbar will be thrilled to have his cousin here too, tonight.”

Camille’s eyes glistened with all she wasn’t saying. This was beyond exciting. Her youngest son had just gotten married. And now, Julia was about to become a parent to a little boy of her own. It had been all Julia had wanted. It had crushed Camille’s little girl so much to have to say goodbye to Zoe’s son, and now… now Julia was going to get what she had dreamed of. Zeek softly squeezed Camille’s shoulders from behind. They both watched Julia and her husband walk off toward their car, so much nervous excitement pouring out of each of them.

* * *

Over in the guest house, with their clothes on the floor and their bodies under the covers, Sarah was giggling, clearly still caught up in the pleasure of it all. Mark seemed to be already relaxing after their intense session of love-making. Sarah soon, too, felt her breath slowing down as her thoughts caught up to her. What he had said had seemed so right. They had tried to do things out of order. She was getting too old to have another baby, and everything had felt rushed, so she’d just jumped over some important steps because of that fear – that fear that it would be too late if she didn’t. But Mark had just clearly explained it, an hour or so ago. If they wanted to be together, then they should make that happen first, and that aching feeling in her chest, her hopes and dreams dying… her lingering love for a Mark who was no longer going to be a part of her life feeling unbearable and her needing to grieve their relationship… that could all go away. Right?

“But if I don’t want another kid,” she blurted out, unable to help herself, “then aren’t you going to… to…”

Mark sighed and looked into her eyes somberly.

“I was thinking about what you said. All day. I understand that you really want me to experience… what you got to, with Amber and Drew.” He swallowed, and managed to keep his emotions in check for the moment. Sarah already was tearing up again, letting all of her feelings rise up to the surface once more.

“I wanted a baby with you, I really did. I can’t pretend that I didn’t.” His voice dropped down to a near whisper, and Sarah could tell he was trying so hard not to let his voice break. “Babysitting Nora with you was… magical.”

Sarah suddenly wished she had gotten dressed first before starting this conversation. She pulled the covers tighter around her bare chest, feeling horribly vulnerable – feeling like maybe their engagement was about to be a one-night-thing. And all the pain from earlier that day was already rushing back, and her tears were already leaking a little out of the corners of her eyes.

But then Mark kept talking. He saw where her mind was going and his tone was instantly reassuring.

“Sarah, don’t cry. It wasn't magical because I need a baby. It was magical because I was with _you_.”

Sarah tried to believe him, she really did. She squinted her eyes shut and tried to regain her composure.

“I love doing things _with_ you,” Mark continued, “and when I think about my life _without_ you, when I try to imagine having a baby, but you not being there with me… I can’t even imagine being happy like that. Don’t you understand?”

Opening her eyes back up, Sarah released a long, slow breath, and then inhaled just as slowly. She bit her lip and then cautiously accepted what he was saying.

“Yeah. I get that. I feel the same way when I try to imagine being happy without you.”

* * *

Drew finished wrapping up the last string of lights carefully and then placed it into the box, looking up at his grandfather who was entering the garage with the last of the chairs. Drew hoped no one in that house would notice the box of condoms hidden in his sock drawer, or the fact that one was now missing from the pack. He especially hoped his grandfather wouldn’t, because he knew the man would just love the chance to have a “man-to-man” talk about losing one’s virginity. And Drew could not think of a more mortifying possible conversation.

For an entire week, Drew had been stressing out over the fact that he might not know how to do it right, but when the time came? Amy was wonderful and patient with him, and they had explored each other’s bodies in ways that he had barely dared to fantasize about. Everything had worked out wonderfully, and he knew, deep down, that his uncle Crosby would be proud, rather than offended, if he knew his wedding had provided the perfect opportunity for this particular rite of passage.

“Dad! Drew!”

Drew suddenly was hearing his mother’s voice echoing across the yard from near the guest house.

“Come into the house! We have a big announcement.”

Drew felt himself tense up. He had seen Mr. Cyr – no, scratch that, _Mark_ – arriving at the wedding, and so even with them both still out of his current line of sight, Drew was well aware of who that “we” was. And unfortunately, Drew also knew what kind of announcement they were likely to be making. He was probably going to be gaining a half sibling. And gosh, he didn’t think he’d ever feel ready for the news that his mom was _pregnant_.

“Grandson, whatuhyah waiting for? Come on, your mother has news to share.” Zeek teasingly smiled at Drew. Then he beckoned for him to join him in the driveway. They both walked toward the house, where Camille, Sydney, and Jabbar were already inside.

* * *

Sydney placed her headband on the dresser in the guest bedroom where she’d be sleeping that night, and then proceeded to unbutton her green sweater.

She was happy about her Aunt Sarah's news. Excited for her, even! She was still so excited for her Uncle Crosby and Aunt Jasmine, too. Jasmine had always been so nice to her. Tonight was such a great night, gaining an aunt officially. And Sydney had always really loved her Aunt Sarah. She didn’t know her boyfriend – now fiancé – very well, but seeing Aunt Sarah’s smile as she had told everyone she was engaged had been infectious enough to make everyone else in the room smile just as wide.

Sydney placed her sweater on a hanger. A gentle knock on the door made her look up, sharply.

“Can I come in, sweetheart?” her grandmother’s voice asked from the other side.

“Um… I’m not done getting into my pajamas yet,” Sydney explained.

“Oh, alright. Take your time,” Camille said. “Just tell me when you’re finished.”

Sydney slipped out of her dress. She hung it up on the hanger in the closet while wearing only her underwear, then found the spare set of summer pajamas that were always at her grandma’s, perfect for nights like tonight when she might unexpectedly be sleeping over. They only took her about 30 seconds to put on.

“Okay, Grandma. I’m ready.”

Camille entered, and Sydney noticed the interesting expression on her grandmother’s face. It was serious, but also happy.

“Sweetie, I have some important news to share with you.”

Camille led her granddaughter to the edge of the bed and they both sat down on top of the comforter. Sydney pursed her lips, listening intently.

“Your mom and dad left you here tonight because… because they needed to go meet your new brother.”

“Really?” Sydney asked brightly.

Camille nodded.

“But Zoe didn’t want us to have her baby,” she then said, a little confused.

“I know, hon,” Camille said softly, reaching out a hand to rest on Sydney’s knee.

“Did she change her mind?

“No,” Camille replied gently.

Sydney tried not to be too disappointed about that, because apparently, she was still getting a little brother anyway!

“Your mom and dad are meeting him right now. He is nine years old.”

“ _What?_ ” Sydney didn’t understand. She was only _eight_. She had been expecting a little brother, not an older one!

“Yeah, a nine-year-old. They just called and told me he’s already going to be sleeping in your house tonight. His name is Victor.”

Sydney wasn’t quite sure how to react. She didn’t even know how she felt about this. Many questions started to spring to her mind. The most prominent one was, of course, where was he coming from? If he was nine, surely he must’ve had parents already for the first nine years of his life. Sydney was a whole year younger and she loved her parents; she didn’t know of a life without them. She had so many memories with them. She had so much to ask, she barely knew where to begin. Camille wouldn’t have any of the answers for her, barely having any information herself, but Sydney didn’t know that.

So she asked her grandmother, with so much curiosity and innocence, “But why would he be ending up with _my_ mom and dad when he’s nine years old?”


	2. Victor’s Mother Is Incarcerated

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I completely invented Victor's biological mother's first and last name. These details were not ever established in canon. Similarly, in the next chapter, Lauren's last name is also just made up by me.

Chapter 2: Victor’s Mother Is Incarcerated

Victor had been sitting safely in the backseat. His seat belt was secure from above his right shoulder across his body, buckled beside his left hip. His mother would never let him sit in the front seat, next to her, even though he had asked on a few occasions. Like all good mothers, Flavia Oleastro cared about the well-being of her child, and made sure he was safe before driving him anywhere. Victor was still too short to be allowed that privilege of sitting up where adults sat, but she promised he’d start sitting beside her when he was taller. Victor might have been young, but he was still old enough to understand that his mom was simply being a good mother when she kept him relegated to the back.

Therefore, after the accident – after the airbag went off up there, with no chance of hurting him, because he _was_ safely where he belonged in the back – all Victor could think about was how his mother _had_ properly protected him. When the police officer started shackling her wrists with metal and spewing off phrases like “Child Endangerment” and speaking about how it was an “Aggravating Circumstance for a DUI”, all Victor could think was how _wrong_ that man was. He couldn’t quite understand all of what was being said, but he knew just enough of those words. And he knew that his mother hadn’t endangered him at all.

The thing was, his mother also had gotten in trouble for endangering him three years prior, when he was in First Grade. Sure, she’d been drinking too much back then, and probably doing some drugs too. But after the social workers ripped him away for a couple of months, using confusing words like “neglect” as their justification, Victor had started paying attention.

He _hated_ Foster Care. He’d been ripped from his neighborhood, ripped from all of his friends. His first foster mother was a white woman who didn’t speak a word of Spanish and Victor struggled, because at that point, when he had been only six-years-old, he really only spoke whatever English he’d picked up at school. He didn’t speak English with a noticeable accent, so maybe he couldn’t blame foster parents for not realizing his English abilities were limited, but the truth was, he didn’t even know how to ask for a bath towel to dry off with, and didn’t understand everything the woman might ask of him either – she had a lot of specific chores, like gardening tasks, that she wanted her three foster kids to help out with. When he got confused, she got angry, and that made him resent the social worker who had left him there in the first place. Why couldn’t they have found a Hispanic family to take him?

After about four weeks, he was shifted to another foster mom, who was even worse. This time it was a black lady who was _so old_ that she had gray hair. She believed in corporal punishment; the mean kind, the kind that left bruises and sometimes even drew blood! She’d been charged with the care of eight kids, all between the ages of five and ten (Victor had been one of the younger ones back then). The social worker was fooled – she truly thought the woman was one of their best foster parents. The kids knew because the social worker wouldn’t stop praising her whenever she stopped in for one of her “visits”. None of the kids dared to report her. As it was, the “discipline” already happened almost every day. And none of them ever knew what she might want to punish them for next. If they still had to live with her even _after_ reporting her? Not one of those kids wanted to think about how painful the _next_ punishment might be. So none of them took that risk.

Victor had learned in those two homes just how much to appreciate his own mother. He felt loved with Flavia, even if she might’ve made a few mistakes. Ever since they’d allowed him back in Flavia’s home, Victor could tell just how _hard_ his mom was trying. She was desperate to make sure he would never be taken away again. Even though _before,_ she had let him go to school with both his body and his clothing covered in filth, once they were together again she always was so careful. She would do his laundry every single week, even though the Laundromat was expensive, especially counting the cost of the gas to drive there – and Victor tried his best to help when he could, picking up spare change under the cushions at Javier’s and Pedro’s houses and hiding it in his pockets until he got home. Victor desperately didn’t want to get taken away again.

But two years later, one day after school, another social worker had been waiting for him near the school buses, ready to take him with _her_ instead of just letting him go home. Victor felt much older, and much wiser, compared to when this had happened before. He was now in third grade. It took them way too long to properly explain where his mom was. He kept asking, kept begging to see her, to at least get to say goodbye. He knew how heartbroken she’d be. He was worried about what must’ve happened this time to bring it on, since Victor _wasn’t_ showing visible signs of neglect when he went to school. He thought he understood how the system worked, thought he and his mom had worked together to prevent him from being taken again, but despite all the two of them had done, despite every precaution… there he was, under the guardianship of Child Protective Services once more.

The eventual answer to his questions was that Flavia had been put in jail for 30 days as a punishment for a DUI. Victor didn’t even really understand what “DUI” stood for, even when they’d tried to explain it (with long English words), and he certainly didn’t think his mom deserved to be in jail. But when he’d learned he’d be going into another foster home, Victor didn’t care that boys aren’t supposed to cry. He let the tears fall. He just wanted to go home. He wanted his mamá.

The foster home, this time, wasn’t so bad. A single parent one, again. This time the white lady with long brown hair only knew a few Spanish words, but at least if she said something in English that he didn’t understand, she’d keep trying to explain until he _did_ understand by slowing down, and sometimes by gesturing at objects. (She was a pretty darn effective English teacher, he had to admit.) He was this woman’s only foster kid, and she had no _real_ kids either. He didn’t even have to share a bedroom at this house! The "only 30 days" still felt like a long while, and he’d had time to grow attached to the living arrangement. He was kind of sad when he had to leave. Vicky had been that foster mother's name. Miss Vicky. She’d been _nice_. He was starting to almost feel like she was his mom. But that brunette white lady named Vicky _wasn’t_ his mom.

His mom was _Flavia_. “Flavia” meant “blonde”, which made sense, because yes his mom might’ve been from Ecuador (she’d ended up in California when she was 15, only a couple years before she had Victor), but her hair was _naturally_ blonde. Apparently she was born with little wisps of blonde hair. She was one of those rare beautiful blonde Latinas. Flavia had told Victor once that the actress on that popular comedy TV show _Modern Family_ had naturally blonde hair. She was from Columbia. It happened, every once in a while, even if most Latinos had dark hair. But, according to what his mom had seemed to say, Victor was pretty sure that the people in charge of the television had forced the actress to dye hers. Forced her to get rid of her blonde hair because they were _estúpido_ and thought she didn’t look ‘Latin enough’ without dark hair.  Flavia, though, never dyed her hair. She left it light and considered it beautiful as it was.

On the other hand, _Victor’s_ hair was almost black, more like the majority of Latinos. Flavia told him that was probably because of his papá. She never spoke highly of his father unless she was talking about traits passed down to the boy, like his dark hair. But yes, on those rare occasions, she’d tell Victor he was going to be handsome and charming and possess other positive qualities, just like that man.

Those rare moments made Victor wish he had met him.

More often than praising him, however, Flavia would let it slip in frustration that the man had been a coward, a deadbeat. He _abandoned_ them. She’d complain about him.

It made Victor wish he could judge for himself, but the man was just an idea to Victor, not even someone he _could_ hate. His mom clearly hated him. But how could Victor hate someone he had never even gotten a chance to know? He could hate growing up without a dad. He could hate what the man did to their family. But he couldn’t really hate _him_.

As soon as Victor had been old enough to ask for it, Flavia told him the story. His papá had gotten angry when his mamá had gotten pregnant. He’d gathered up _just enough_ money to pay for her ultrasound, and after seeing Victor’s little heartbeat on the monitor, the pathetic man had “gotten overwhelmed” and left town – had left Flavia all alone.

A lot of the kids on their block didn’t have dads. It was a common enough story, he quickly learned. But still, Victor wished his dad had stayed. A lot of the other kids at least had older brothers, or grandfathers who did live in the country. Victor had no male role models at all. His _foster_ homes hadn’t even had dads!

His mom was a good mother, but she still struggled to keep her jobs – yes “jobs”, plural, because one minimum wage one wasn’t really enough to pay for her _and_ her kid. She was doing everything all alone. She needed a few drinks at the end of a hard day sometimes, and she couldn’t always make it home before the boy fell asleep. That didn't matter to Victor. He knew she loved him, and that her life was hard. She found time to buy him shoes and clothes, she paid the rent, and even if she wasn’t a “fancy rich person” (as his mom would always say in her thick accent) – even if his mom wasn’t someone who could afford to take him to the dentist – she still made sure he brushed his teeth, still spent the money on toothpaste and also floss, because _her_ mother had never done that for her, and Flavia wanted _better_ for Victor. _Her_ teeth might be getting painful and kind of gross to look at, but Victor was going to have _perfect_ teeth if she had anything to say about it. (She also mentioned something about how it might help that the Estados Unidos puts Fluoride in the water, too.)

Victor didn’t love his dad - didn’t even know the man. But he loved his mom. His mom was all he had.

And it wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair that she was going to get dragged to jail _again_. Jail was for people who were bad. But his mom was a good person.

“Stop!” he shouted at the policeman, his small voice still high-pitched, prepubescent. He unbuckled from his spot in the backseat. “Don’t take her away! She _didn’t_ endanger me!” He was begging, knowing it would be useless but trying anyway, all the while _also_ trying not to cry.

The cop’s partner had now reached him, though, and that other man was holding him back, stopping him from running after his mother. “It’s okay, it’s okay,” he said in a comforting tone.

“No, it’s not!” Victor cried out. “I don’t want to go back to foster care!”

“Wait!” Flavia shouted from a few yards away. “Is there some way…” she faltered, her English words escaping her. “Is there option of no foster home?” she asked, softly.

The cop who was holding onto her handcuffed arms considered her question for a moment before tilting his head. “Well, there is one option…”

 


	3. Haddie Never Saw It Coming

Haddie met Lauren on her very first day in New York State. Lauren Conover was with her parents, moving into the dorm next to Haddie’s. The Conovers were from New Hampshire, so their drive hadn’t been too difficult. When Haddie had explained how _she_ hailed all the way from California and that’s why her parents hadn’t come with _her_ , Lauren and her family had instantly offered to be her surrogate family for the rest of move-in weekend. Haddie had been so grateful.

The truth was, she’d been feeling out of her depth ever since she had hugged her parents goodbye in the airport – twice. Seeing so many kids on campus who’d had their parents drive with them to school? Well, truthfully, it was making Haddie feel homesick before she’d even been away for a full 24 hours. Many of her belongings were still en route via the mail, unlike seemingly every other kid who instead had brought all of their possessions via cramming them into their family car. But Haddie’s parents and little siblings, not to mention all of her extended family too, were a six-hour flight away in Berkeley. Haddie couldn’t help but feel jealous of all of the other incoming freshmen. She instantly felt lonelier than she could ever remember feeling in her entire life.

Amber sent her a text wishing her luck, and Haddie had politely thanked her. A part of Haddie had wanted to confide in her cousin about just how overwhelmed she was feeling, but a stronger part of her resisted that urge. Amber hadn’t gone to college, and she probably wouldn’t understand. Worse yet, maybe Amber would think it rude, complaining about something that she _should_ feel beyond lucky about. Amber didn’t even get into college. Haddie was granted early admission. Haddie should just get over herself. Learn to appreciate all she had been given.

Her parents too had left her voicemails on her cell phone and to call if she needed anything at all. But what Haddie really needed wasn’t anything her mom or her dad could fix from all the way across the country.

Fortunately, Lauren was the light to break through her fog of homesickness forming. Lauren was everything Haddie had needed. Haddie had felt so comforted – a rush of warmth had actually filled her chest – the first time Lauren had smiled at her. Haddie’s doubts had instantly begun to fade, taken over by the confidence that Cornell was going to be everything college was _supposed_ to be for eighteen-year-olds like herself. Haddie felt safe around her new friend, like she could count on Lauren to “have her back”. That very first evening, they ate dinner in the Becker House Dining Room together.  Even though they weren’t roommates, being in neighboring dorms felt like it truly was the next best thing.

“I already have a friend,” Haddie told her mom in a quiet yet very excited voice before going to bed. The time zone thing meant Haddie was still adjusting – it may have been midnight already but Haddie still felt like it was only nine in the evening.

Kristina didn’t want to admit to her daughter that she had been worried that wouldn't happen for her. She'd known all along her anxiety had probably been irrational. Kristina herself had, after all, made friends at college without too much of an issue.

“I’m so happy for you, honey,” she told her daughter, her voice full of the relief that her little girl was doing so well so quickly. Haddie could tell exactly what she was thinking.

“I know you worry so much, Mom, but I swear, I’m gonna be fine,” Haddie insisted, projecting a bit more confidence than she was feeling, hoping if she willed it to be true, that soon enough it would be.

She knew her mom had a lot to handle back at home. Max was a handful. Nora was still so little and required constant attention. Haddie was finally away at college. Her mom finally had one less kid to constantly be concerned for.

“I love you so much, Haddie.”

“I love you too, Mom.”

Kristina waited until they were both off the phone before she let a few tears fall. Her kid leaving the nest was so bittersweet. She missed Haddie, but she was also so happy for her.

Over the course of the next few weeks, Haddie and Lauren became surprisingly close. Sometimes they studied together. Haddie and Lauren were in entirely different courses, which wasn’t surprising. But regardless, whenever they each needed to read an assigned chapter or spend other time focusing on schoolwork of some kind, they would see if their schedules worked out so they could sit together in the lounge area of the library. Somehow even just reading silently to oneself was so much more pleasant with a friend nearby who was doing the same exact thing.

They participated in school-sponsored activities together. Lauren had sung in her church choir growing up, every year. She wanted Haddie to audition to join The Cornell University Chorus with her, their school’s all-female choral group. Haddie didn’t make it in, but at least she gave it her best effort. And Haddie bought Lauren a celebratory cupcake when Lauren did make it in, and promised to try to attend all of the chorus’s major performances.

Both girls went to Board Game Club on Wednesday nights, sometimes playing games as silly as _Apples to Apples_ while other times learning complex strategy games with too many cards and too many rules. Haddie was beginning to appreciate _Magic: The Gathering_ , though. Haddie didn’t mind trying out most of the potential games. _Magic_ was the only one Robbie ever wanted to play, though. Robbie was someone who she strongly suspected was on the autism spectrum. A few of the other members in the club whispered about how weird he was. When Haddie heard the gossiping behind his back, she realized how much he reminded her of her brother, and she felt defensive – of Robbie, of Max… of all autistic people in this world. She tried to be as sympathetic as possible to him. She learned to enjoy the game he loved more than she ever would’ve guessed she might. Of course she didn’t collect the trading cards the way hardcore players would, but still. She enjoyed the experience. She was having a surprising amount of fun playing the game with Robbie and a few of the other club members almost every single week.

Lauren only waited until about a month into the school year to reveal the truth about her sexual orientation to Haddie. She revealed it when she and Haddie had, so far, gone to a mere four meetings of the Board Game Club – albeit having done an impressive number of other things together , too, during the rest of that first eventual month away at college. It was on a Saturday evening. They had been drinking some vodka that Lauren’s roommate’s 21-year-old brother had smuggled in for them. They each had their own 16 oz. bottle of Coca Cola as a chaser. Haddie had been explaining that she’d had two boyfriends in her life. She nervously whispered her admission: she _had_ lost her virginity, to the second one. On her prom night! She giggled as she confessed to such a cliché truth about her past. Sure, it was _junior_ prom but still. She and Alex had had an “adult” relationship for months after that, well into her senior year of high school.

Haddie was testing Lauren, admitting all this about herself partially because she had ulterior motives – she wanted to know what kind of love life _Lauren_ had experienced so far.

Lauren downed a new shot, swallowing hard, and then said, “I’ve only ever kissed one person in my life… and she wasn’t really interested in girls, so that never went anywhere.”

Haddie’s eyes had gone wide. “Wait a minute.” Haddie gulped. “But _you_ are interested in girls?”

Lauren closed her eyes and nodded slowly. “Mmm-hmm. I’m totally gay. I even have a bit of a crush on you.” Lauren quickly clasped her hand over her mouth and started to blush, having realized what she had just admitted a few seconds too late. “I’m sorry. That’s probably too much information.”

Haddie laughed. “No, it’s not. Thank you for telling me.”

Truthfully, Haddie loved how open her friend was being. Lauren being attracted to girls actually explained… a few things. Haddie recalled how only a few days prior, Lauren _hadn’t_ agreed that a certain man across from where they had been sitting in the dining room was gorgeous. Rather, Lauren had just replied, “if you say so.” She remembered Lauren saying her favorite part about that inane TV show _Glee_ was the lesbian relationship. It also kind of was flattering to learn her best friend liked her in that way. Haddie kept thinking back on small moments the two of them had shared. The way Lauren looked at her. The way Lauren lingered just a little when they hugged. Haddie didn’t mind thinking about all of this in a new light.

More than anything, though, Haddie was simply grateful they were the kinds of friends who could share such deep, personal truths with one another.

So, a few days later, Haddie didn’t even waste a thought about who to turn to after that Skype call with her parents. The one with the painful and unexpected twist. She closed her laptop and got up off her bed. She walked out of her room. She knocked on Lauren’s door.

“Hey!” Lauren excitedly greeted her friend, but the smile fell off of her face as soon as she noticed Haddie looking like she had just been crying. “Wait – what’s wrong?”

Haddie chuckled a little, mirthlessly. _Everything,_ she thought. So many things, she didn’t even know where to begin. “My mom… the doctor found a lump in her breast. And it’s… it’s cancer.”

Before Haddie had time to process what was happening, she had been pulled into a gentle embrace by this sweet girl with short blonde hair. After a longer-than-was-typical (even for them) hug, they pulled out of it. Haddie tried to keep her composure but just stood there, her mind elsewhere, for a few seconds too long before finally letting her focus return to the present moment. She then gestured a request for Lauren to join her back in her own dorm. Lauren smiled sympathetically and nodded, agreeing.

Haddie’s roommate, Danielle, was busy exercising at the school’s fitness center, something Danielle did every day because she _had_ to get in shape before lacrosse season. Haddie thought Danielle looked plenty “in shape”, and sometimes felt lonely because of how often Danielle disappeared to the gym. It was almost like she didn’t really have a roommate at all. However, on a day like today, Haddie was simply grateful for the athlete’s absence. Lauren followed her wordlessly into the small living space and they both sat atop Haddie’s bed.

“So… breast cancer?” Lauren said breathlessly. “I’m so sorry. How… how bad is it?”

“I don’t know; my parents just kept saying they didn’t want me to worry. I guess they said it was small, they were implying they caught it early, but I think they were downplaying everything.”

Haddie felt her own warm tears streaking down her face. She looked over to her small dresser than contained her clothes and got up briefly to fetch the box of tissues resting atop it.

“That’s… that’s really good though, isn’t it?” Lauren asked softly. “If they caught it early, if the… cancer is small?”

“Yeah but like… it’s _cancer_. Isn’t that always bad? Like really bad?”

Lauren hesitated, not sure what to say. “Well… um… maybe I can look up some information for you on your computer so we can know just how bad it is, even if they do catch it really early?”

“Yeah okay,” Haddie agreed, nodding towards her laptop in order to give implicit permission for Lauren to open it and start typing into her web browser. Statistics would be good. Information about what to expect. Would her mom be going through horrible, painful, difficult treatments? Would her mom… Haddie didn’t want to dare think it. Would her mom die?

 

* * *

 

Adam left his wife alone with all of the other patients receiving chemotherapy, but not before first gently cupping her hand in his grasp and promising, in a caring whisper, that he’d “be right back”. He stood up and began to head toward the restrooms.

Haddie had shared photographs on her Facebook profile in which she and her new friend Lauren had dressed up for Halloween, having a fun time over the prior weekend. His daughter still didn’t know her mom was going through chemo. His daughter still didn’t know her mother was sick. He and Kristina were hiding that from her – they were lying – and Adam felt sick to his stomach about it. He felt like he might break under the guilt of it all and the fear of what would happen when they revealed what they’d done. He was desperate to let Haddie know the truth as soon as possible.

When he and Kristina had gone to the first follow-up appointment after the lumpectomy – when they had received the biopsy results which revealed one of her lymph nodes did, unfortunately, contain some cancerous cells, and when the doctor also informed them that it was a more aggressive form of cancer than they had originally thought, all Adam wanted to do was help his wife in any way he could.

He wasn’t a doctor. He wasn’t a magician. However much he wished he could cure his wife of cancer, he really didn’t have that kind of power.

But something Adam _could_ do was help ensure Haddie wouldn’t miss a whole semester at Cornell. That would help Kristina. She _desperately_ wanted that for her daughter. She didn’t want to even talk about her new diagnosis, all she wanted to talk about was Haddie, and how important it was that Haddie’s college education remain on track. The entire car ride home from the oncologist’s office, Kristina had been brainstorming what they should say to prevent her from taking a semester off, and Adam… Adam had, while caught up in the moment, suggested they lie. It hadn’t been all that serious of a solution. It had been a casual suggestion, spoken without having thought through the implications yet.

“We could always tell her you’re better. If we did, I’m _sure_ she’d go back to New York.”

Adam hadn’t even been raising it as more than a hypothetical option of something they could, technically, do. But Kristina had loved the idea. Kristina had latched onto it and by the time they got all the way home, Kristina had planned exactly what they’d say to Haddie. And before Adam knew it, he was participating in the act, and watching Haddie hugging her mom happily, and his feelings of guilt… well they started in that moment, and now, they were only getting worse.

“We need to tell her the truth before she comes home for Christmas,” Adam had told his wife, not even asking it as if it were a question. Haddie wasn’t even coming home in a couple of weeks for the big Braverman family Thanksgiving. But after the semester ended? Her entire month-long Winter Break? She’d be home for that.

Haddie had unexpectedly flown across the country in October to be there for her mother’s surgery, and their family was on a limited enough budget. (An even more limited budget now that they were also paying for chemo treatments and other scans and appointments – all of which Haddie didn’t know about). So they couldn’t really afford that kind of last-minute airfare that she had taken. Not that Adam blamed her for using her emergency credit card and coming home that way. But when she offered to let the money for her trip home over Thanksgiving be refunded, that her friend’s family in New Hampshire would be happy to drive her to and from school that year and share their own American feast and family tradition with her, Adam quickly agreed with Haddie that it was a wonderful idea.

So there they were, the month of November already upon then, knowing autumn leaves were falling down around the hospital parking lot but Adam unable to appreciate them because of there not being enough windows in this hospital… Thanksgiving coming up, and Haddie having no idea just how _difficult_ life had been for the rest of her family lately. How _not-thankful-at-all!_ Adam was feeling right about now.

In the restroom, Adam lingered at the sink for much longer than was needed to wash his hands. He stared blankly at the mirror, thinking. He was wondering _how_ they were going to let Haddie know the truth. What if they waited too long and Haddie found out from one of their other family members? Max, her cousins, none of the other Bravermans knew what an awful thing Kristina and Adam had done, that they had lied to their eldest child about her mother’s illness. Haddie didn’t seem to actually be talking to them very often, but it surely was likely one of them would reveal it soon. If Haddie found out that way, would he be relieved that the secret was out, regardless of how it had come out? Adam sighed and shook his head slightly, realizing he really might like it if the revelation could just happen for him in that way.

Adam finally exited and headed back toward his wife, ready to continue reading aloud a book to her, something he had always enjoyed doing for his kids. Reading aloud was something Kristina had always been amazing at too, and he loved hearing Kristina read aloud to Nora, he always did. Lately though, Kristina didn’t have enough energy left in her by around their toddler’s bedtime. Adam was often volunteering now to perform that duty for Nora rather than waiting to see if Kristina would ask. And he didn’t mind reading to his wife now, either. On the occasions when he could afford to take some time off work to accompany her to chemo, he might as well be of use. Besides, reading aloud an adult novel was significantly different than reading aloud a book about animals, shapes, or colors. Adam was trying to convince himself that this was a pleasant thing to be able to do for Kristina.

Because Adam didn’t want to admit, even if only to himself, that reading aloud had become something he enjoyed doing considerably less than he had in the past. That maybe he stopped truly loving doing it for Nora when it wasn’t just part of parenting, but also part of helping Kristina with things she couldn’t quite muster the strength to do any longer. That maybe reading to his wife felt painful if he stopped to think, even for just a second, about how she was starting to feel so affected by the chemo that her eyes couldn’t even focus on the pages and if she had wanted to read it herself, it might make her nauseous. That if he didn’t read to Kristina or to Nora, there was no way that book would be getting read.

He just hoped this was all temporary. He prayed that eventually, Kristina would not only start feeling better but would actually be better. He wished that she’d be strong enough to do all of these kinds of things again, all on her own.

Adam was not going to get his wish.

* * *

Kristina’s cough scared Adam. Was she coming down with a cold? She was on chemotherapy. That meant she was immunocompromised – her immune system might not be able to handle even a simple virus. The doctors had warned them that they must monitor her closely for a fever, and immediately bring her into the ER if her apparent illness got to that stage.

Kristina didn’t seem worried though. From inside the master bathroom she brushed off Adam’s concerns as she continued to apply her make-up and fix up her hair – which he knew she was trying to be gentle with, as she wasn’t quite ready to lose it all yet. He saw how some of the blond strands were slowly starting to come out already, saw how tenderly she pressed the comb near her scalp nowadays, and saw the fear with which she touched it.

“I’ll be fine,” she insisted, before another _not-fine_ bout of coughing started up again. She caught her breath then continued, “It’s just a cold. Everyone gets them in December. I love you for worrying, but please honey. Relax.”

“Alright,” he said, not really convinced but willing to at least let the subject drop until after their final scheduled Skype call with Haddie - the final one before she came home for Winter Break. “So you’re ready to break the news to Haddie? First we’ll ask her how she thinks she did now that her exams are finally over, but then? Today is the day, right?”

Kristina turned away from the mirror, as she was finally finished applying her fake eyelashes. (Most of her real eyelashes had fallen out due to the chemo by now, and not even mascara was enough to make her feel “presentable”, even just over a crappy web-cam.) “Yes, I agree, you’re right. It is time to tell her.”

Adam smiled, but the smile didn’t really reach his eyes. He nodded because it really was time. But he wasn’t excited about this conversation. He just thought it’d be better for their entire family if Haddie got the news before she made it all the way back to Berkeley. If she could take the six-hour flight to come to terms with the truth about Kristina’s cancer having never actually gone away. He wasn’t sure this was the kindest solution – maybe an in-person conversation where she could immediately hug her mother would be more fair? But this was what he and Kristina had decided, and it was a bit late now to change their minds.

* * *

Haddie knocked on Lauren’s dorm room door, feeling even more raw after that Skype conversation with her parents than she had almost three months prior. Tears were threatening to fall out of her glistening eyes, but Haddie also felt anger, and she wanted to be feeling something else, _anything_ else.

As soon as Lauren opened the door, Haddie looked inside and noticed Lauren’s roommate was missing from the setting. Haddie pushed her way inside the room and closed the door behind both of them, and then began to kiss Lauren passionately. Lauren and Haddie had never kissed before, but Lauren wasn’t about to object to this turn of events. For a long time now, Haddie had been thinking about maybe, just maybe, kissing her friend. Maybe that was normal when you were a young woman and your best friend was a lesbian who had admitted to having a crush on you. Or maybe Haddie was a little bisexual. She wasn’t really sure. All she knew was that right now, after learning her parents had been lying to her for two-and-a-half months, she needed the distraction.

Haddie and Lauren parted only for the briefest of moments as they moved toward Lauren’s bed, and they sat down on it before they resumed making out. Lips crashed against one another. Tongues twirled inside each other’s mouths. Haddie’s heartbeat quickened as she felt a hand grip her side firmly, and Haddie kept her own hands firmly on the square of Lauren’s jaw and neck.

It must’ve been a few minutes before the passionate kissing started to slow, and Lauren, grinning from ear to ear, looked deep into Haddie’s eyes.

“Wow. That was… a surprise,” she said.

Haddie averted her gaze, suddenly reminded of the not-so-pleasant surprise her parents had just dropped on her.

“Wait, when you came over here just now and started… doing _that_ with me.... Was that about something _more_ than just a really memorable way to say goodbye before we don’t see each other for a month?”

Haddie looked back into her friends eyes apologetically.

Lauren scanned her friend’s expression. “You look upset. What happened?” Sounding genuinely concerned, Lauren continued, “Did you fail one of your finals or something?”

Haddie shook her head. “No, no. Um. My mom… she still has cancer.”

Lauren tried – but failed – to hide the disappointment on her face, that look that conveyed that feeling of ‘oh, maybe you didn’t actually want to kiss me; you just were sad about your mom’.

“I had also been wanting to kiss you for a while now, though,” Haddie added.

“Really?” Lauren asked.

“Mmm- hmm.” Haddie said with a small grin. Haddie had never expected to fall for a girl, but she was pretty sure she had a crush on Lauren now too.

Lauren took a second to appreciate what was happening between the two of them before transitioning back to the more pressing matter.

“So… you said your mom still has cancer?” she asked softly, her face transforming into one of sympathy.

Haddie took a deep breath. “My parents lied to me so that I wouldn’t miss the rest of the semester. They knew I’d take off from school if I’d known she was starting chemo and all of that awful stuff. So she’s been going through it all and just pretending to be fine every time we’ve talked for the past couple of months. I hate her for lying to me. But I _can’t_ hate her.” Haddie exhaled sharply. “She has cancer.”

“You only care so much,” Lauren delicately observed, “because you love her.”

“Well of course I do,” Haddie said, and finally the tears began to stream down her cheeks. “I love her so much,” she whispered.

“I know,” Lauren said, leaning closer to Haddie and wrapping her arms around her in a comforting embrace.

 

 


	4. This Didn’t Have To Hurt Like That

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yuri's Pizza really is the name of the Restaurant & Arcade in canon that they go to in episode 4x05 "There's Something I Need To Tell You", and also maybe (probably?) 4x07 "Together" as well when Kristina takes Max to the arcade. I checked that detail in order to be true to canon.
> 
> In chapter 3 I had also researched Cornell a little in order to be somewhat true to reality/life in some details, like the name of their dining rooms or chorus. :P

Chapter 4: This Didn’t Have To Hurt Like That

Sitting in Yuri’s Pizza, listening to the beeps and buzzes of the arcade area about twenty feet behind her, Sarah looked away from her daughter – away from the young Army guy clearly flirting with her – and instead, Sarah directed her gaze into Mark’s eyes. She knew she’d been acting like a crazy person the past couple of days. She’d been throwing sneakers at her fiancé in his sleep and forcing him to go jogging instead of just trusting him to believe her when she told him what really had happened. If she was going to marry this man, she needed to be able to trust him at least this much.

“Mark?” she finally said.

He smiled back at her. “Yeah?”

“Hank… well he kissed me the other day.”

Mark furrowed his brow and blinked a few times. “When you were at _work_?” he asked incredulously.

Sarah couldn’t tell if her fiancé was angry or just surprised. She was pretty sure he was at least a little angry.

“I had a conversation with him about it. He knows I’ve…” Sarah leaned in closer to him and smiled. “He knows I’ve _got somebody_.”

“So that definitely won’t be happening again?”

Sarah nodded fervently. “Definitely,” she agreed.

“I still don’t love the idea of you working with him,” Mark half-mumbled into his soda.

Sarah couldn’t completely blame him. It was really odd sometimes for her to be the sole employee of a man who clearly harbored a crush on her, who had now even attempted kissing her once.

“I don’t think I’ll be working for him _forever_.”

“I know,” Mark said with a sigh. “You just need this experience. It’s a rare opportunity. I’m not gonna stop you.”

Smiling again, Sarah reached out toward him. He returned the smile as she gently placed her palms on the tops of his clasped hands. “I love you,” Sarah said.

Before Mark got a chance to return the sentiment, he was distracted by the unexpected appearance of Haddie. Soon the entire Braverman clan was turning to look toward her.

As the girl hugged her parents and took her baby sister into her arms, everyone started murmuring about why she was home. Sarah glanced back over toward Amber, who, judging by the gesturing, was explaining who Haddie was to… Ryan? Was ‘Ryan’ the name of that young man Zeek had brought to the baseball game?

Soon, Amber was grabbing the young kids and leading them over to the video games, and then Kristina was revealing she had breast cancer to all of them. Sarah stood up first, not even hesitating for a minute to take it all in. Sarah’s thought-process had always been a bit faster than most of her other family members, and besides, she’d already been at that ‘must-comfort-my-sister-in-law’ stage before Kristina had even managed to get the exact words out, because the poor woman had been so tearful, and seemed so fragile. The words had seemed exceedingly difficult for her to say.

After a tight hug, and a glance exchanged with her older brother, Sarah took a couple steps back in order to allow some of the other people around – people who _also_ loved Kristina – a chance to hug and comfort her. They were all going to be there to support her in whatever way they could.

Joel was crying, Crosby was apologizing to Adam about getting on his case about something earlier that day, saying he never would’ve asked if he’d known, and even Zeek was assuring Kristina that he knew she’d be a fighter and would beat that "son-of-a-bitch" known as cancer.  When Kristina chuckled through her tears at his joke, Sarah felt comforted too. Kristina was going to be okay. Zeek was right. She’d fight it and win.

Mark was lingering back a bit with Ryan and Drew, since Mark didn’t exactly know Kristina as well as the rest of the family - wasn’t even technically family yet despite his inclusion in the portrait a couple of months prior. Drew was never one to really get all touchy-feely with hugs either. Gently, Sarah patted her son’s shoulder and then locked eyes with her fiancé, before glancing back at Drew.

“I’m gonna go talk to Amber, alright?” she said in a near-whisper. The guys nodded, understanding.

Heading over to the arcade, Sarah smiled when she saw how Amber had successfully gotten Sydney, Jabbar, Max, and Victor - all four of them - contentedly playing the games.

“Impressive,” Sarah commented. “Do you have a sec?”

Amber smiled grimly. “Sure.”

“Do you already know what Aunt Kristina was telling us over there?”

Amber glanced over to their family, still tearfully embracing, most of them out of their seats in a little huddle. “I don’t know the specifics yet, but Uncle Adam told me a few weeks ago that she… she was sick.”

“I’m sorry you had to hold onto a secret like that by yourself,” Sarah said, wrapping her little girl up in a hug. “You’re stronger than I remember to give you credit for sometimes, you know that?”

Amber rolled her eyes but smiled appreciatively. “Thanks, Mom.”

* * *

Sarah didn’t want to wait any longer to move in with Mark. Life was too short. The news of what Kristina was going through had knocked that urgency into Sarah, and before she knew it she was dragging her son with her into her fiancé’s apartment. Drew seemed to be learning to adjust, though. Mark was being amazing too, most notably (in Drew's mind, at least) by getting cable installed just for Drew.

The incident with Amy and Drew having sex in the apartment was certainly a bump in the road, but their new little family overcame it. Things might not always be completely simple, but there was something special about learning to grow with Mark in this way. Even if Sarah still couldn’t see herself giving Mark a baby of her own, maybe he would get a little taste of this parenting stuff through what was happening with Drew. And maybe, just maybe, that would be enough.

All of her siblings’ families had adjustments they were making. Prior to his wedding the past summer, Crosby had never lived with or been responsible for raising his still quite young son full time. That had to be such a huge and difficult adjustment process for him to navigate! Sarah had actually heard, through the grapevine, that recently Crosby had even had to deal with talking to Jabbar about how he was black. He was so lucky Jasmine was there to help him. But even so, things could be harder. Both _her_ kids were white and wouldn’t have to deal with that kind of prejudice in their lifetimes. Sarah couldn’t help but appreciate that her own life could’ve been even more complicated in so many ways.

Following the train of thought of families with a kid who didn’t look like them, Sarah had noticed the process of Julia and Joel adopting Victor was clearly stressful and difficult. Julia ended up quitting her job and it sounded like she had quit rather than almost be _terminated_. Sarah had talked to Julia just enough to gather that she and Joel hadn’t really been fully prepared for all of it, for how Sydney wouldn’t just treat him like her brother, for how difficult it would be for this kid to make new friends, for how difficult it was for him to get good grades in his classes… even for Victor’s general unhappiness. Julia clearly wanted to make things easier for him. She really, truly did. But the only thing she and her husband could do was try their best. Based on the few occasions Sarah had gotten the opportunity to talk to their new little boy, she felt confident her sister’s family would be okay in the long run. Victor was a really good kid, and he wanted to be a Braverman (or, well, Graham). She could tell. He already felt like one of them. The adoption would work out, in the end.

And, of course, Adam. Her poor brother. His daughter being across the country for college meant one less kid to have to focus on parenting, sure, but also one less potential babysitter. Kristina had so many doctor’s appointments nowadays, and Adam needed to find a way to parent his two younger kids – and their family’s new puppy! – while also working full time. He also needed to find time to research his wife’s condition and make sure they were doing everything they _should_ be in order to get her back to full health.

Sarah knew that what she was going through was _nothing_ in comparison to the huge changes the rest of her family was dealing with.

When Hank called Sarah one night, drunk, Mark was a little annoyed, understandably. Not only had the man interrupted their excited gazing at pictures of where they’d be staying the upcoming weekend at Mark’s friend’s wedding, but this was _the_ man who had crossed a boundary with Sarah before – he had kissed Mark’s fiancée and Mark didn’t want this guy to get some kind of idea that he could just call Sarah whenever he was drunk and she’d rush over to help him find his way home.

“He’s really not far,” Sarah explained. She knew it was one-in-the-morning, and that this was a very odd position Hank had put her in. “I could pick him up, be right back. I’d call a cab for him but I think he’d be too confused to know it was for him and to get in it.”

“No, wait.” Mark seemed to have a better idea. “Tell me where he is. I met him that one time. I’m pretty sure I remember what he looks like. Let me pick him up.”

Sarah scowled. “Are you sure you want to do that?”

“Yeah,” Mark insisted. “As long as it’s alright with you.”

Sarah hesitated. Did Mark not trust her to be alone with Hank? That would be crazy, since he obviously knew she was alone with him every day at work. “Okay, I guess that’s fine.”

Mark grabbed the car keys and his jacket and proceeded to the bar at which Hank was stranded. Sarah had fallen asleep by the time he returned.

The next morning, Sarah brewed some coffee before the two of them departed for their jobs. When Mark emerged from their bedroom, dressed in his work-clothes, Sarah beamed pleasantly and poured him a mug.

Handing it to him, she asked, “So how’d it go last night?”

“Oh, well, he was quite the mess,” Mark replied. He didn’t sound judgmental. He was simply stating the facts. Mark continued, “It sounded like his ex-wife is moving to Minnesota with, um, I’m guessing his daughter?”

“Ruby?”

“Yeah, that was the name he kept using.”

“Yeah, that’s his daughter.”

“I mean, I hope he doesn’t make a habit of drinking like that, but I guess I understood why he was upset,” Mark commented.

Sarah nodded.

Later in the day, when Hank tried to get Sarah to come with him for the last-minute job he booked, Sarah apologized. But she reminded him that she’d already taken off for Friday and the entire weekend. She and Mark couldn’t miss that wedding in Napa. They had been looking forward to it for over a month! Hank, to his credit, understood, and said he’d figure out a way to work the job solo. He probably wouldn’t be able to do the job very well, and Sarah was worried for him. But the only reason he took a job in that area was his ulterior motive of stopping his ex-wife from moving away, so he was determined. Sarah wished him luck.

The wedding in Napa was beautiful, and more importantly her weekend with Mark was so amazingly nice. It had been a long time since she’d felt this completely and totally in love. She was more sure than ever that she wanted to marry him, as soon as Drew graduated, and she wanted to move to New York with him and try to become a playwright, while he got a teaching job over there. Their dream was so close to coming true! And the best part was being able to tell he felt the exact same way; that this was truly a shared dream, something they both couldn't be more excited to see come to fruition.

* * *

Christmas Eve came around, and Sarah found herself working the tenth and final day of her job with Hank in the mall, dressed in red tights and a green elf hat. Crosby and Jasmine showed up fairly late into the day with not only Jabbar but also Max, and that was when Sarah first found out the frightening news. Kristina had been in the hospital since before dawn, and so far there had been no good news, no proof she was going to get better.

Sarah felt a little queasy. This was supposed to be the season of joy and celebration. How could Kristina get so sick so quickly? She’d known her sister-in-law was going through chemotherapy, but Sarah had thought she was surviving it, that this would most likely work and kill her cancer. Sarah had just spoken to her last week. Kristina had been buying gifts for all her kids excitedly in between making medicinal use of some marijuana. Life had been, all things considered, going okay for her. Haddie would be back home soon for the holidays, too, and Kristina had been so excited. But now?

Sarah tried to re-center herself. Tried to focus. She just had to make it through two more hours of her shift. She just had to power through it, help the kids pose for the camera, help make the pictures be the best they could be. She would be able to be there for Adam, Kristina, and the rest of her family soon enough.

The moment the guy in the Santa suit stood up from the chair, Sarah dialed her younger brother. She hadn’t even taken off her hat or said a parting word to Hank before desperately trying to contact someone who might know the latest update on Kristina’s situation.

“Crosby, how is she?” she uttered as soon as he picked up.

Crosby took a bit too long to answer, and there was a sinking feeling in Sarah’s gut.

“She’s… her white blood cell count is really low, and she’s been in septic shock for hours now,” Crosby gravely informed her. “They have her on antibiotics, and hopefully her body will soon react positively to them. They are just… waiting for her fever to break.”

His words were optimistic, but his tone of voice wasn’t.

“Thanks, Cros,” Sarah replied solemnly. “Oh and did Haddie’s flight make it in today?”

“No, the ‘Snowpocalypse’ is still in effect until midnight East Coast time, I’m pretty sure,” Crosby said. “Haddie will probably be put on a flight first thing Christmas morning.”

Sarah tried to feel glad to hear Haddie would make it in time for the holiday tomorrow. Sarah tried not to dwell on what it was Haddie was coming home to.

“I’m gonna call Mark,” Sarah told Crosby. “See you at Mom and Dad’s?”

“Yeah, we’re all going over there tonight while we wait to hear more news from Adam.”

Hanging up the phone, Sarah grabbed her street clothes and started heading toward the bathroom near the mall’s food court to try to quickly change out of the ridiculous costume. She’d have her fiancé and Drew meet her at her parents’ house. She could call Amber from the car, too, and make sure she was on her way as well. She couldn’t wait to hug her kids. 

* * *

Sarah and Mark looked on at all the young kids excitedly opening their presents, even little Nora who seemed like she couldn't be any more content than she currently was with her Aunt Jasmine. Crosby helped the toddler open her cute new red dress and her toilet trained doll that Kristina had clearly picked out for her, and it took everything in Sarah not to cry about how Kristina was missing all this. It wasn’t the sadness of missing one Christmas morning that was so painful, though.

It was the very real possibility that she could die without getting to experience Christmas ever again.

Trying to distract herself, she looked away from the blond baby who was now fussing with a green ribbon, her aunt carefully monitoring her to prevent any choking incidents, and instead Sarah looked toward her own kids, both of which were basically grown. Amber read something on her phone, and then got up and went outside. Sarah exchanged a glance with her fiancé before slowly trekking over to the window to spy on them. She witnessed what was pretty clearly a break up, and then her daughter re-entered the house, trying to hide any trace of tears left on her face.

“Are you okay?” Sarah delicately inquired.

“Yeah,” Amber said confidently, and then she forced a small smile.

Somewhere behind them, Zeek loudly informed everyone that it was time to get dressed. “We’re heading down to the hospital! And if your Aunt Kristina is awake, we’d making sure she has her chance to open her presents Christmas morning just like the rest of us!”

They got to the hospital about one hour later.

The gifts… sadly remained wrapped.

 


	5. Maybe They Should’ve Been More Prepared…

Trying to enjoy a chocolate milkshake and delicious cheeseburger with his teammates, the last thing Victor wanted was for Sydney to be standing right next to them, eavesdropping on the boys' conversation.  She _claimed_ she just wanted some of their group’s order of fries, but he didn’t quite believe her. But truthfully? He didn’t really care what her motivations were for being there. All the other boys didn’t want her eating their food, and if the boys didn’t want her there, Victor surely wanted her to _go away_. She was _ruining_ any chance of these boys actually considering him one of their friends!

After Miguel had returned to his own home the previous week, Victor had been spending more time than usual wondering if he’d ever make another friend. He knew it was kind of pathetic, dwelling on just how lonely he was, but he really wanted a new friend - one he could see more often, perhaps a friend that went to his _current_ school instead of his old one. And now, _just_ when it seemed like it might actually be possible to hang out with these guys from his baseball team outside of only practice and the bench, Sydney was messing it all up!

Julia walked over to them and started to tell Sydney what he’d already been saying for the previous sixty seconds – she could just go _order some of her own_ if she wanted chili fries so badly.  But then Julia said, “Just let your brother- ”

And, as soon as the words came out of Julia's mouth, Sydney spoke the obvious. “He’s not my brother!”

Victor knew how badly his new parents wanted to believe that he and Sydney could be siblings, but the truth was they weren’t. Siblings were kids who had grown up together. It was more than just having the same set of parents, and besides, Victor had his own, _different_ , mom too. Sydney had never known anything other than living in this world where no one spoke any language other than English, where people lived in huge houses instead of small apartments, and where most kids did have exactly two parents, just like Sydney. She would never be able to understand his life, and never appreciate just how easy she had it. Sydney was a spoiled _brat_ and Victor was never going to consider her his sister. That was one thing he was sure of.

 

It's funny how some things you’re sure of when you’re nine-years-old have a way of proving to be a bit more complicated than you ever expected.

 

The first time Victor realized that not all siblings really grow up together was when he was sitting in the second row of pews in the church for Kristina Braverman’s funeral service.

Haddie was the first person to be eulogizing her mother. She was standing up by the altar, and Victor was taking in every word. Haddie was discussing her baby sister. She mentioned that when Nora was born, their mother had been unable to resist fretting over the idea that Haddie would be leaving for college less than a year into Nora's life. Kristina had at some point confided in her eldest daughter her worries that it might mean Nora would never really know the beautiful person her older sister was, which Haddie explained in the speech was such a lovely way for her mom to have told her she was extremely proud of the young adult Haddie had become. Haddie would never forget the kindness of her sentiment; how wonderfully loved she'd felt in that moment when her mother had explained what she wanted for her girls.

Haddie then said something about how tragically ironic it was that now _Haddie_ , instead, was the person worrying that Nora might never truly know who their _mother_ was. That Nora probably was too young to remember her at all. Haddie took a deep breath and pushed through her sadness, and Victor continued to listen intently as Haddie explained how she would keep her mother’s memory alive, and, for the rest of Nora's life, make sure Nora had a piece of their mother to hold onto.

Victor hadn’t ever thought before about how Haddie and Nora were a type of siblings that were maybe growing up together even less so than he and Sydney were. When Haddie had been nine, when she'd been the age he was now, Nora hadn’t even been born yet. At least Victor had already shared some experiences with Sydney. Maybe in some ways he and Sydney could, one day, feel like they really were brother and sister.

Haddie had then moved on to talking about how much her mother had loved her kids. Kristina had wanted the best for them, had wanted to be able to be there for all three of them - had wished cancer wouldn’t take her away.

Victor didn’t expect to relate so strongly to so many of the words. He didn’t realize that as Haddie told a story about her own mother, Flavia would spring into Victor’s mind, the image of her somewhat overwhelming. He started to shed tears for an aunt he hardly knew, and yeah maybe it was because he liked her the few times he’d met her, because Max was a pretty cool cousin, because it was extremely sad for his mom to be dead, and because Haddie was standing up there trying not to cry so that she could finish getting through the speech she had written. But for Victor, it wasn’t _just_ that Haddie’s voice breaking was making every single person sitting in that church today want to cry.

It was worse for Victor, because all of a sudden, Victor felt consumed by his own grief, for his own mother. Yes, his mom being dragged off to prison wasn’t the same as her dying. But on the other hand? Maybe it was more similar than people realized. Victor missed her. It had been seven months now since Victor had heard his mother’s voice - since he had felt her touch, or even seen her face. He didn't even have any photos of her to hold onto! It had been such a long time since the day everything had changed for him, much like everything had changed completely for Haddie and Max on Christmas Day when their mother’s organs had, despite all the doctors' best efforts, failed. When the chemotherapy that was supposed to help _cure_ her had ended up _killing_ her. But Victor had been distracted these past seven months by trying to be a good kid, trying to see if he liked having a dad for once, trying to adjust to living somewhere new, to having a new last name, and to all of the changes. He had not really gotten a chance to process just how painful being permanently separated from his mother had been.

His tears escalated into audible sobs. As that happened, Sydney, who was sitting beside him, looked at him with a creased forehead, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. She turned back to her other side, and nudged her dad.

"Is Victor okay?" she whispered, but Joel barely heard her, having already looked down toward both kids enough to have noticed how upset Victor was. Joel was crying a little too, more than Sydney was at that moment, but his crying was much more controlled than his son's - just quiet tears. Julia was in sitting in front of them, near her own brother, unable to see what was going on with her little family.

Joel didn't answer Sydney, just got up as discretely as he could to move to the other side of his two children, and sat back down beside Victor. Victor hastily tried to wipe at his wet face and get rid of the snot that had involuntarily started to come out of his nose, tried to calm down his breathing and sobbing just a bit. Joel gently placed one of his large, comforting arms around the boy. "Do you want me to take you outside for a second?" he whispered to Victor as quietly as he could, his voice full of concern.

Victor shook his head in order to indicate that he didn't need that. Joel nodded hesitantly, accepting the answer, and then pulled Victor closer to his body in the sort of side-hug that was possible to give someone sitting beside you.

Victor felt a rush of love from his dad wash over him, and while it didn't really make him any less sad, it still helped, in an almost magical kind of way. He couldn't understand exactly why it did, but it felt so nice to be comforted while he cried. It hadn't really felt this way when the cop had held him after his mother was dragged away, or when social workers tried to extend gentle touches of comfort either. But Victor knew Joel well now, and he felt truly safe under his arm. Unlike with those other adults, those strangers, where he had felt an instinctual desire to pull away, the only urge Victor felt as he leaned against the warmth of Joel's body was to nestle in closer.

Both Joel and Victor had not noticed Haddie finish giving her eulogy or when Max had replaced her up at the altar.

Victor's tears had mainly subsided by the time the service was over, roughly forty-five minutes later. Everyone older than age thirteen was teary-eyed, even Amy sitting beside Drew who had met Drew's aunt only once. _Even_ the usually extremely stoic Zeek Braverman - in fact, he was crying harder than most of them. Not as hard as Victor had been, but still, Camille was offering him a handkerchief from her handbag as she glanced back and forth between her distraught husband and her widowed son. Adam was surprisingly calm, and was thanking the clergy for the beautiful funeral service. After Julia kissed Nora on the head, and embraced her college-aged niece, the entire Graham family headed toward their car.

They were still standing in the parking lot when Sydney - quite bluntly - asked Victor, "Why were you crying so hard during the service?" She was clearly extremely curious, but there was criticism in her tone too, as if he didn't really have any _right_ to be that said over _her_ aunt.

"Sydney!" Joel scolded her tactlessness. He paused in his tracks, looking over his son's face to gauge how he was reacting to Sydney. He then looked for a brief moment at his wife, who had no way of understanding the context of this exchange. Victor looked at Sydney meaningfully, and seemed like he genuinely wanted to answer her question. So Joel waited, and signaled to his wife to be patient for a second as well. They could give Victor space to answer.

The boy pursed his lips for a moment, then revealed in a near-mumble, "Haddie's speech... I don't know, some of the stuff she said made me think about my mom."

Joel knew how much it hurt Julia every time Victor talked about his other mom as 'his mom' while still just calling Julia by her first name, and instinctively Joel glanced back at her for just a moment with a sympathetic expression on his face. This time, though, Julia wasn't hurt at all - well, not for her own sake. Her heart, rather, was breaking for the little boy standing in front of her.

"Oh, sweetie." Julia walked over to him and hugged him for the first time that day. Her validation of his grief was understood implicitly, and he smiled into the hug.

Joel looked at Sydney, now gauging _her_ reaction to what _Victor_ had said, trying to see if she understood the implications. It didn't really seem like she fully got it, but she was accepting the answer as good-enough for her purposes for the current moment. Joel knew sometime very soon, he and Julia needed to sit down with Sydney alone and have a serious talk with her about everything Victor was going through. She needed to get to a point where she appreciated all he had survived. Joel had thought she would get it by now, but she clearly didn't.

* * *

 

Amy was trying to pay attention to Drew. He was talking about his Uncle Crosby being able to get them backstage passes to the concert they had been thinking about going to, but all she could think about were those little lines turning pink, clear as day.

This was entirely her own fault. She'd told Drew she was on birth control but she'd... she hadn't taken the pills for long enough, she hadn't followed the doctor's simple instructions to wait seven days after starting the pills before having sex without a condom. She'd thought four whole days would probably be enough, and besides the probability of her being unlucky and getting pregnant that one time would be so low! This wasn't supposed to happen.

Yeah, she probably should've been smarter than this. But regret wouldn't make the fact that she now had a baby - her and Drew's baby! - growing inside of her.

The Braverman family wasn't religious, not at all. Drew would probably want her to get an abortion. But Amy didn't think she could do that. Abortion was... it was different than other things that maybe technically were sins but in her mind, she had been convinced God would forgive her for, or even that the church might be wrong. On this matter, she really believed it was wrong. Murder. Drew might not even know just how much she really did believe in God, as they hadn't talked about the matter of religion much. But Amy felt like God would never forgive her if she had an abortion. She felt like she might never forgive herself.

* * *

 

 Drew came home from school wanting to curl up in a ball and hide away, preferably for eternity. Instead, he walked through the door to the apartment to see Mark waiting for him on the couch.

"Hey, I saw you and Amy in the hall today," he commented kindly, with gentle concern. "Are you two okay?"

Drew let out a deep breath. Everyone would know soon enough. Truly, _everyone_. Their huge extended family. Probably random neighbors in this apartment building. The entire student body at his school. The _teachers_ too.

Looking up at Mr. Cyr, he replied, almost casually, "Amy is pregnant." He felt pretty detached from the words - from the entire concept. How could this _really_ be his life?

Mark's eyebrows shot up and he audibly sucked some of the air out of the room. Drew didn't blame him. His eyes drifted away from his soon-to-be-stepfather as he got lost back in his own thoughts, lost in the thoughts he'd been having all day. Deep down, Drew had always just assumed if he and Amy got 'in trouble' in this way, she'd terminate the pregnancy and it wouldn't be the end of the world - of their entire lives. Drew had thought they'd been careful enough anyway. They never even had to use the Morning After Pill because a condom had broken - nothing like that had even happened to them! He was snapped back to the present when he realized Mark was asking him a question.

"...Drew? Didn't you tell me that?"

Mark's tone of voice was somehow incredulous, disappointed, confused, and resigned all at once.

"I'm sorry, Mr. C- I mean, Mark," Drew apologized, trying to remind himself to use the man's first name. "What did you say?"

"I was just saying, I thought you told me that you and Amy were... using protection. Being safe."

Drew scowled defensively. "We were."

Mark hesitated, not quite sure how to respond to that. Drew stopped him before he had formulated an answer.

"Everything you might want to say to me right now, I can guarantee I've been saying it - and more - to myself all day!" he snapped.

"Drew," Mark breathed.

The teenager threw his backpack on the ground angrily and commented, still looking at the floor, "This time, I don't care if you tell my mom. Amy doesn't want an abortion, so everyone's gonna find out soon enough." He started heading, forcefully, toward his bedroom. "In fact," Drew added, almost as an afterthought, "it'd probably really help me out if you could tell her for me."

Drew didn't even wait for Mark to reply, he just half-slammed his door behind himself and collapsed onto his bedspread, practically shaking with a combination of dread and anger coursing through his entire body.


	6. Little Boy, You Are So Very Loved

Sydney was on the playground, having just jumped off the monkey bars. It was after-lunch recess, something their school gave the kids every day, and three of the kids from Victor's grade were standing closer to her than they probably realized, and she overheard them being mean. They were talking about the fact that his mom was in jail, and they were speculating as to what his mom might've done to land herself in there, each one trying to 'one-up' the previous by coming up with more outlandish things the woman could've done.

"I bet she was a _prostitute_ , you know, selling _sex_ for money. That's crime, you know," the one boy commented.

"But what if she was a murderer? No wait. A serial killer!" the next fourth grader said with a giggle.

"Stop it!" Sydney forcefully interrupted them. They were being really unfair to her _brother_. "His mom is in jail for driving drunk, and it's nothing to laugh about! That's a really dangerous thing to do."

The other kids were surprised for a moment to realize Sydney was there, but then just laughed harder.

Sydney frowned, not sure what else to say to make them see the errors of their ways. She was just grateful Victor was far away, on the other side of the playground where he and some boys were kicking around a red rubber ball. She was just glad he wasn't here to hear this conversation. "How- how would _you_ feel if your mom was in prison and you were sent to a different school, and even to a different family, not able to ever see her again!"

That had been how her own parents had spelt it out for her, and finally, a few days after her Aunt Kristina's funeral, the message had clicked. She had been able to imagine just how... how scary what Victor had gone through would be if it had happened to her. She realized this was not a matter to joke about. Soon, she'd be attending the adoption ceremony and he would officially become her brother, but already, she cared about him, wanted to protect him, and even felt hurt on his behalf when people made fun of his life.

Sydney had no idea just how proud her parents would've been of her had they known what she was doing out there on the schoolyard that day.

* * *

Haddie took a particularly cute photo of Nora with her smartphone. The toddler was playing with pots and pans as if they were musical instruments. The banging was surely going to drive her crazy if it lasted much longer, but texting with Lauren helped make the experience a bit less painful. She attached the photo to her current text message and hit 'send'. In fact, being able to share the cuteness with her girlfriend was making this particular day of babysitting almost, well, 'fun'. Lauren replied with excited emojis over how adorable Nora was.

_**Lauren 1:48 pm 03/22/13**                                                                             _

_I can't wait to meet her, and your whole family, soon._

It was March - spring break - and Haddie was back home in Berkeley, babysitting every day to help Adam out while he tried to catch up on stuff at the studio. She couldn't wait for Lauren to meet her family too.

_**Haddie 1:49 pm 03/22/13** _

_I can't wait either!_

**_Haddie 1:50 pm 03/22/13_ **

_I finally told Max I was dating a girl, btw._

She might've waited longer to admit to her family she was dating anyone, especially dating a _girl_ , if her mom hadn't just died three months ago. But Lauren had been such an amazing comfort to her during that time, and Haddie had bonded particularly hard. Haddie realized grief had a way of highlighting who you could count on, and who out of the people left alive you really loved deeply. Besides, Haddie had been forced to face the reality that life was short. Putting things off... well it was why her mom had never even learned Haddie liked kissing girls. Kristina died before ever getting the chance to get to know that side of her daughter. Haddie felt a little pang of regret over that. She wished her mom could've been given the chance to know her just a little more completely. Haddie felt she shouldn't have waited, and she didn't want to have any more regrets.

**_Lauren: 1:50 pm 03/22/13_ **

_Oh really? How'd he take the news?_

 

**_Haddie 1:51 pm 03/22/13_ **

_His typical not really reacting, lol, which I guess is_

_all I wanted. I just wanted him to know.  He did ask_

_if I was a lesbian lol. I told him no, of course._

 

**_Lauren 1:51 pm 03/22/13_ **

_I guess it's true: bisexuality just really isn't as well_

_known. You haven't told anyone else yet, have you?_

 

**_Haddie 1:52 pm 03/22/13_ **

_Well I was about to tell Amber and Drew when_

_I last met up with them but...  
_

 

**_Lauren 1:52 pm 03/22/13_ **

_Yeah that news kind of... stole your spotlight. XD_

 

**_Haddie 1:54 pm 03/22/13_ **

_I can tell them I'm bisexual whenever. This is bigger news. I_

_know Drew's my cousin and not my brother but honestly? It  
_

_feels like I'm going to have a little niece or nephew._

**_Haddie 1:55 pm 03/22/13_ **

_I guess technically it'll be my "first-cousin once removed"._

 

_**Lauren 1:55 pm 03/22/13** _

_Did Google tell you that? ;)_

 

**_Haddie 1:55 pm 03/22/13_ **

_Yeah... well Wikipedia XD_

 

_**Lauren 1:55 pm 03/22/13** _

_Anyway it is definitely understandable that this is huge_

_for you. You're so close with your cousins.  
_

* * *

"Mark?" Sarah asked softly, looking over at him in bed.

"Mmm?" he replied, barely awake. It was the weekend, but Sarah was pretty bad at sleeping in. She was always too full of energy.

"I don't think I want to move to New York anymore."

Realizing how serious this conversation was becoming, Mark tried to wipe the sleep out of his eyes and sit up.

"What? Really?" he replied.

She looked into his eyes and then smiled grimly. "I mean... as much as I am not ready for the word, I am about to become a _grandmother_!"

"There are other options than you feeling stuck here in this same life, though," Mark slowly began suggesting.

"But I don't feel stuck," Sarah assured him. "I love my life here. I love my family, and I can write here in my spare time. Photography is... well it's sort of becoming something I'm more passionate about than I expected to be."

Mark nodded. "I hear you," he said sincerely. Truthfully, he was kind of excited to be able to be there for his step-grandson since the moment he'd be born. The moment he found out Drew and Amy were having a boy... his eyes had welled up with a few tears of joy at the news. However sad he still was at the prospect of Drew and Amy having to become parents while still seeming like babies themselves, it was still exciting. It was almost like he'd get to experience having his own kid, because Drew was such a huge part of his life now, he'd been there for almost every step of this pregnancy, of this experience, and because of his relationship with Sarah he knew he'd continue to be a huge part of this baby's life.

Mark was also happy in his own current job, and was happy for Sarah. She'd even managed, against all odds, to set up Hank with one of Mark's old friends from college, who was just quirky enough herself to appreciate Hank Rizzoli for everything he was. And Mark was grateful, because knowing Hank finally had someone in his life really put his mind at ease about a man who harbored a crush on his fiancée working one-on-one with her every single day.

"So... are you ready to plan a wedding date?" he murmured, a sheepish smile tucking at the corners of his lips.

She smiled back, in reply. "Yeah."

* * *

Drew looked around the room anxiously, wondering where Amy had disappeared to. His seven-months-pregnant girlfriend was his date to his mom's wedding here, and he had been dancing with Sarah at the reception briefly, but now he was ready to rejoin her. But he didn't see her anywhere in the entire volunteer fire hall, which had been gorgeously decorated for the reception.

He glanced outside, and that's where he found Amy, in the summer twilight, crying into a tissue. She caught his eye and he approached her.

"Amy."

"Drew, this was a stupid idea, coming to your mom's wedding. Everyone from Mark's life keeps staring at me, and I'm sure they're whispering too."

Drew pursed his lips sympathetically. He had kind of felt that way too, he knew she was right. Everyone was judging not just her, but him too by association. He lied though, and replied, "I don't think it's as bad as you are making it out to be in your head. Everyone is focused on my mom and Mark. Let's just go back inside and try to have some fun."

Amy looked down at her abdomen for a moment before letting a small smirk escape. "I am always hungry nowadays."

Drew returned the grin. "And my mom let you help plan the menu, so I _know_ you were looking forward to eating some of that food."

He led his girlfriend back inside and thought about all the love in the air, and he couldn't shake the thought that he wanted to propose to Amy. Not because she was pregnant, exactly, but because they were so much more committed to one another ever since they knew they had a baby on the way. Because now that his mom had finally gotten her wedding, he couldn't help but think that maybe it'd be better for their son if he and Amy were married. Because maybe, just maybe, Amy would say yes and they could beat the odds and be that high school couple who has a baby when they're only eighteen but still lasts and gets to live happily ever after.

He looked over at Lauren who was giggling in the line as she and the cousin of his whom she was dating filled their plates with food. He shifted his attention to Victor, who was dancing with Jabbar and Sydney, completely content despite people quite often looking at him funny and noticing how he _must_ be adopted. Drew looked back at his mother and new-stepfather, who were now making the rounds to greet every single guest that had come, and he realized that new people joined this family pretty often, one way or another. Counting on his fingers, within just the past year they'd gotten Jasmine, Victor, and Mark legally to become members in one way or another, and if you counted honorary members, well... Haddie had a new person attached at her hip, and whether or not Amy ever legally became his wife, she was, even moreso, truly one of their clan now too. Drew was so grateful that his parents and aunts and uncles had all tried so hard to make her feel welcome, and loved.

Amy had needed it, especially once her own parents had started giving her an extreme 'cold-shoulder' treatment. They didn't seem to be forgiving her for this one huge "mistake" he and Amy had made, not even now after so many months had passed. It pained Drew to see Amy having to deal with all this. But it was Amber that had really driven home to Drew how important it be that his son's conception never be treated as a mistake. And he desperately hoped Amy's parents never made their little boy feel that way.

Amy handed Drew a plate and a napkin so that he could start gathering his own food. Standing in front of him, she had already started.

Facing the reality of having a baby before even starting college was so hard for him, and he had kind of been forced to grieve what his life would've been. But Drew would make it work, and Amy would get to go to college too, they had planned out the next five years as best as anyone could prior to the actual arrival of their child. They could still have careers if they wanted, because they had such an amazing support system in the Braverman family. Drew had... well he had so much hope. For his future, for his little boy's future... for everyone's future in that family. However hard the past year had been, especially with Kristina's death, there still seemed to be so much joy waiting within their reach.

Victor was a shining example of that, after all. He'd lost his whole life, and yet here he was. Drew sat down next to Amy at their assigned table and smiled as he saw Victor finally entering the food line with his parents. Victor was clearly happy. If someone like Victor could find this much happiness, surely they all could.

 


End file.
